Father’s Day (late post)

 

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Once in June, I had interesting conversation with my beloved brother about being a father.

I criticized some of his reactions on their children’s behaviour (they have amazing kids). He pointed out something I was never thinking about: that young men (in Poland, how is elsewhere?) do not have any strong and positive pattern and matrix of being a father. They just do not know how to resolve conflicts between children, how to build relationship with sons and daughters, etc. Impatient, tired after work, under pressure of responsibilities and stereotypes they feel powerless in a face of cry and jostling of their children.

Odbyłam niedawno ciekawą rozmowę z moim kochanym bratem na temat bycia ojcem.

Zaczęło się od tego, że skrytykowałam jego reakcję na zachowanie jego dzieci (ma wspaniałe dzieci!). Zauważył, że współcześni młodzi mężczyźni nie mają zakodowanych żadnych silnych i pozytywnych wzorców jak być ojcem. Nie wiedzą jak rozwiązywać konflikty między dziecmi, jak budowaćć więzi z córkami i synami, itd. Czy tak jest tylko w Polsce czy gdzie indziej też? Niecierpliwi, zmęczeni po pracy, pod presją obowiązków i stereotypów ciążących nad nimi, czują się bezsilni wobec płaczu i przepychanek.

Within last few centuries and generations, fathers were absent. Where were they?

They were fighting or hiding in woods, sitting in prison for conspiracy against occupants or exiled and disappear in thin air. They died or were just unknown, divorced, run away, emigrated or simply working all days long.

Przez ostatnich kilka wieków i pokoleń ojcowie byli nieobecni. Gdzie byli?

Albo walczyli albo ukrywali się w lesie, siedzieli w więzieniu za konspirację przeciwko okupantowi albo byli zsyłani i przepadali bez wieści. Ginęli bądź pozostawali nieznani, rozwodzili się, uciekali albo emigrowali lub też zwyczajnie – pracowali cały dzień. 

I am proud that fathers I know are great although my father set the bar high. He is wise, responsible, strong, powerful, supportive, loving, caring, righteous and has a great sense of humour. And loves my mum.

Likewise, Flower’s dad is wonderful, empathic and loving. He has everything I wish he could have and even more. He is present! 

Happy Father’s Day, Dads! Father’s Day everyday!

Jestem dumna, że najważniejsi ojcowie, jakich znam, są wspaniali a mój tata wysoko ustawił poprzeczkę :). Jest mądry, odpowiedzialny, silny, wspierający, czuły, kochający, opiekuńczy, prawy i ma poczucie humoru. I kocha mamę.

Również tata Kwiatuszka jest cudowny, mądry, empatyczny i troskliwy! Ma on wszystkie cechy, jakie powinien mieć tata a nawet więcej. Jest obecny.

Szczęśliwego Dnia Ojca, codzinnie!

Mothers’ Day

makelifemontessori

When I lie with Flower and help her fall asleep I think about all mothers that came before me.

About my lovely, wise, beautiful Mother – my best friend.

About my mother’s mother Stasia and my father’s mother Lunia.

About their mothers Ludwika and Stanisława, Jadwiga and … .

And their mothers.

And all the mothers before.

I’m thinking about them with love and gratefulness for all they did, for life they gave and for whole love they gave.

I’m thinking with admiration for their patience, work, strength and wisdom.

I feel admiration and esteem for that they did not give up in hard times. That they kept carry on despite suffering, despite the fact they lost some of their children and had to live alone, without men – their children’s fathers.

And they survived.

And now, there is me and her.

And all those mothers are in us and with us and we feel their love.

And when I keep my daughter in my arms, and she closes her eyes and she breathes slowly, I feel what they could feel when they held their babies.

Now I am a mother. And this is my day.

Thank you, Flower, for choosing me. Thank you, Mom. Thank them.

 

Kiedy usypiam Kwiatuszka, myślę o matkach które były przede mną.

O mojej kochanej, mądrej, pięknej Mamie – mojej najlepszej przyjaciółce.

O mamie mojej Mamy – Stasi i mamie mojego Taty – Luni.

O mamach moich babć i dziadków – Ludwice, Stanisławie, Jadwidze i … .

I ich mamach.

I wszystkich matkach, które żyły wcześniej. 

Myślę o nich z miłością i wdzięcznością za wszystko, co zrobiły, za życie które dały, za całą ich miłość.

Myślę z podziwem o ich cierpliwości, pracy, sile i mądrości.

Podziwiam i szanuję to, że przetrwały trudne czasy, w jakich musiały żyć. Że trwały mimo cierpienia, mimo tego że niektóre swoje dzieci straciły, i że musiały żyć same, bez mężczyzn, ojców swoich dzieci.

I przetrwały.

I teraz jestem ja i ona.

I wszystkie te matki są w nas i z nami. I czujemy ich miłość.

I kiedy tulę moją córeczkę a ona powoli zasypia, spokojnie oddychając, czuję to, co one czuły.

Jestem mamą. I to jest mój dzień. 

Dziękuje Ci, Kwiatuszku, za wybranie mnie. Dziękuję Mamo. Dziękuję im.

Rising a girl. Challenge, responsibility, honour. What’s on my mind.

toto

What was on my mind when I start to blog? Hmm…

I was thinking how not to ruin my daughter’s life from the beginning. 🙂

I was thinking how to rise a girl, help her become herself. Or even better: how do not disturb her. Do not hinder her aspirations. Do not suppress her. Let her be as she is, as she wants to be.

What I am going to sa,y sounds risky, but I am going not to commit some mistakes. From my own experience and observations.

First of all I want to let her know that despite all obstacles our culture set in front of a young girl and woman she is able to:

  • live her life, with its all possibilities, chances, challenges, opportunities
  • do what she wants to do, there are much more choices than cooking, cleaning, being a good girl, stay silent and have kids
  • be anyone she wants to be,
  • stay wherever she would like to, there are more than 200 countries in the world where you can stay! There is also quite goodly amount of space to stay, about 148940000 km
  • behave the way she feel, have fun, be strong, be loud, be self-confident … (Do you have any other ideas?)

What you can do: Kick me if I ever say that I won’t let her go somewhere because I worry, because something can happen. There is no worse constraint that such words from mother’s mouths. Am I right?

I promise I will prop her up in every her extraordinary, crazy, brave, risky, expensive dreams, plans, passion. Flower, it is to you. If you want to be a teacher, a famous model, a bus driver, a forensic detective, a parachutist, a nurse, a lonely traveller, a maniac, a crazy old woman, a boy – ok. If you want to be a billionaire – ok, feel free :). If you want to clean a floor in a hairdresser’s saloon in a neighbourhood for free I will sallow this bitter pill. Don’t let anybody say “it’s not for girls”, ok?

So, that was on my mind: how to enable her being happy. I chose Montessori way of life. The best wise to start, in my opinion. Respectful for each boys and girls. Preparing both to live independent, confident and conscious life.

 

Who am I and why I’m here. Why not?

makelifemontessori

Who am I and why I am here? I ask myself too often. When I was younger I used to spend a lot of time deliberating on this and wondering. How much time did I waste! When I grew up I knew it was question without an answer… probably.

But put away metaphysics and focus on a new challenge: why am I blogging? Imagine you have a child (if you don’t have one), you spend 24 hours a day trying to keep her alive (it’s not so difficult), observing her, admiring, marvelling, helping her in her developement and assisting in her growing up process. You are doing all your best and more to avoid mistakes that were committed with you-child and all your generation. You try to be creative with your parenthood and try to do something more than you think usual it’s done. You are also looking for your own way in parenthood, your own path, that suits to you and your child best. You do it all instead of your past life’s affairs, issues, purposes.

What I write and what I want to write about is a path that I chose for our family. Will it work? Will it live up to all our expectations? I write because I want to find out.

Shortly – I write about how do I introduce Montessori method, thought and foundations, Montessori rudiments and rules into our family life and our home. I record our time together as well. At last I want to make use of my experience in some creative and useful way.

But I also write to find and meet parents who chose similar way of rising their children and living their life. I hope I meet them among you:)

Thank you for your attention! Hope to meet you soon again!